Bittersweet
July 24,
2020
Marta and Michele
Calabash
Bittersweet
In recent
years I have made the trip to visit my mother Marta in Winston-Salem many
times. She has lived there for fifteen years since leaving the home that I grew
up in in Indianapolis and moving to a condo closer to my sister Marika and her
husband Brian. It has been a godsend as she has had them close to look out for
her and the benefit of a wonderful group of friends and the top notch heath
care that is found there. As she has gotten older she has suffered a variety of
health issues, some more serious than others, but has managed to soldier
through, survive and thrive with the assistance of her family, friends, doctors
and caregivers.
Sisi
After her
most recent health scare in December, she was moved into an assisted living
facility where she did quite well all things considered. Well enough that I was
able to fly up to Winston-Salem in February pick her up and bring her to Key
West for a book signing party for the autobiography that she completed last
year. It was a wonderful success, though there were already signs then that the
health setbacks had a long term impact and she still faced many challenges.
The good
news is that she improved enough to be released from the assisted living
facility in March, just before the place was shut off and put on lock-down due
to the Covid- 19 pandemic. I can’t imagine what the past few months would have
been like for her if my sister and Brian had not spirited her away from there
in the nick of time. She has been living at home with the assistance of a
wonderful nurse and had been doing pretty well until a couple of weeks ago when
concerns arose about her memory and cognitive abilities.
Myself
and my other sister Michele drove to Winston-Salem to visit her, offer Marika
and Brian a little relief and assess the declining situation for ourselves. It
was one of the most difficult visits that I have ever experienced as it is
painfully obvious that our 89 year old mother is suffering the early, but
significant impacts of dementia. There were many moments of levity and light,
but also some filled with darkness, fear, uncertainty and heartbreak. It has
set me back personally so much as I can hardly focus seeing my mother in that
condition and knowing that the road ahead is going to get progressively more
difficult.
With Michele
We did
enjoy our time in spite of everything, taking Marta out for walks, watching
Broadway shows on TV, we even took her out for a spin around town in the rented
convertible that I had, which she seemed to enjoy immensely. I stayed there for
about four days before I had to return home, I don’t think I have ever had a
tougher time saying goodbye than this one. I know she is in capable hands and I
cannot thank my sister Marika and Brian or Marta’s wonderful, loving caretaker
Maira enough for what they are doing on a near constant basis to care for Marta
and make her comfortable.
I know
many people have gone through similar experiences with their elderly parents
and loved ones, but I had never truly appreciated just how heart-wrenching and
difficult such situations are, it has made me a complete ball of stress and
anxiety and frankly not much motivated to do anything except attempt to sleep,
which doesn’t come easy either. It probably couldn’t have happened at a worse
time than in the middle of a global pandemic which is raging harder today than
at any time previously.
Currently
there are 3,872,712 confirmed cases in the United States with 138,767 people
who have perished due to the virus. Locally Monroe County continues to see
explosive community spread growth as we added a record number of 84 cases today
to bring our totals to 1082 cases in the county, with 472 of them in Key West
and 6 people who have died. Frightening and unacceptable totals, the mask
ordinances and social distancing requirements do not seem to be working as many
people still are not complying.
As tough
as it was to leave, I had to get home to Key West though I took my time driving
home. I drove across the state of North Carolina to the coast with the top down
on a beautiful sunny day and enjoyed the beauty of the Carolina countryside
while making my way to Calabash, a small coastal town just North of Myrtle
Beach and known as the Seafood Capital of the World. I had visited the town on
numerous occasions throughout my life and I have always loved the “Calabash”
style of seafood.
I got
there just as the sun was setting, explored the docks where the local fishing
fleet is based then grabbed dinner at the Dockside Restaurant, which is
virtually unchanged since I last ate there some 35 years ago. It was delicious
and a nice way to take my mind off the current situation briefly. The next day
I drove home straight through, stopping only to pick up some requested peaches
at Abbott Farms Peach Stand and for fuel and food. It was a long, long day and
it felt great to be home.
Columbia
July 21,
2020
Columbia
I had
never previously spent any time in Columbia, South Carolina and I found myself
there on my way driving from Key West to Winston-Salem where I was to visit
with my mother and sisters who were all meeting there having been summoned to
deal with some health challenges she is facing. It is a long, solitary drive of
around 16 hours and I was able to knock out about 12 of them the first day,
stopping in Columbia and finding myself having the time and inclination to
spend some time out in the world for perhaps the first time since the Covid-19
pandemic began in earnest in March.
The
pandemic continues to rage virtually uncontrolled across the country,
especially in the state of Florida which is currently the worldwide epicenter
of cases since the state reopened around June 1st. Tourists flooded
back, precautions and warnings were pretty much ignored by a large segment of
the population and the easy to predict result was a huge surge of positive
cases, hospitals becoming overwhelmed and sickness and death increasing.
The
current confirmed case total in the United States is 3,773,260 with 140,534
deaths from the virus. At home in the Florida Keys the numbers have continued
to rise unabated as we now have 894 cases in Monroe County with 373 in Key West
and 6 deaths. The hospitals in the Keys are at capacity with currently there being
a single bed available between the three hospitals. We have reached a crisis
point and unfortunately it was in the middle of this that I found it necessary
to drive through the state and head north.
I found
driving pretty easy, I was able to control my environment and kept a supply of
N95 masks, gloves and hand sanitizer at the ready and stopped only minimally to
get gas until I reached Columbia. One there I had some time on my hands and
decided to utilize it and following all required guidelines, get out and
explore the city a little. I visited places that were suggested on trip advisor
like the world’s largest fireplug and a cool infinity mural in downtown
Columbia.
I also
toured the abandoned campus of the University of South Carolina and nearby Five
Points which is a hub of mostly closed stores, restaurants and bars. It was a
little surreal as there was hardly anyone around downtown, certainly no other
tourists but I sort of enjoyed checking the places out without anyone around. I
was happy not to come into contact with virtually any other people and was able
to order take out from a local bbq establishment.
In the
afternoon I visited a place that I was somewhat apprehensive about going to
see, the South Carolina Confederate Relic Room and Military Museum. There has
been all sorts of news of late concerning the Confederate Flag and on monuments
that glorify the Confederacy. I strongly support the movement to remove
monuments that celebrate what is basically a failed, racist revolt. I was
thrilled when NASCAR banned the display of the flag and when Mississippi
finally recently retired their state flag which incorporated the offensive
symbol.
Those
that cry about losing their heritage and history seem misguided at best. I
think monuments to the Confederate States should be limited to Civil War
Battlefields and Museums where the actual history can be explained and the
truth behind what those symbols mean can be taught. I have always been
something of a Civil War buff, and despite the somewhat inappropriate name,
wanted to see the Relic Room and see what was displayed.
Original flag of the Confederacy
I was
pleasantly surprised, as I thought the museum would be much less balanced than
it actually was based upon the name and location. Again I was the only visitor
during the time I was there, but they were good about Covid protocol and the
museum was actually fascinating. They had a large trove of relics and artifacts
from the war and it was presented in an honest and straightforward way,
seemingly taking pains to not just focus on the Southern perspective.
There
were of course lots of examples of the many various Confederate Flags and of
different regiments, focusing on those from South Carolina, but there were as
many from Northern units as well and both sides were well represented. They had
items from the only all black regiment that fought for the South, which I never
knew much about as well as items from the famous 54th Massachusetts
all black regiment that fought for the North and was immortalized in the film “Glory”.
The
coolest and probably rarest item on hand was literally the tattered remains of
a flag that Harriet Tubman carried into battle during the war as she lead a
group of fighters into battle. It is the only surviving example of that flag
and it was so awesome to see such a piece of history. The museum also featured
displays of local participation in other military conflicts from WWI to
Vietnam.
Harriet Tubman flag
That
evening I had made the short drive from Columbia to Winston-Salem to see my
mother Marta and my sister Michele who drove in the same day from Indianapolis
as well as my sister Marika and her husband Brian who are based in North
Carolina and who have been assuming the lion’s share of responsibility for her
care. It was really great to see them all, though also tough to see Marta not
at exactly 100 percent.
Marta
https://www.crr.sc.gov/
