Tracks of My Tears
September 6, 2018
Tracks of My Tears
“People say I’m
the life of the party
Because I tell a
joke or two
Although I may
be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m
blue
So take a good
look at face
You’ll see my
smile looks out of place
If you look closer,
it’s easy to trace
The tracks of my
tears.”
-Smokey Robinson
Anne
Patricia
Key West has
suffered a double blow in the past couple of weeks with the loss of two
wonderful, beautiful but ultimately troubled souls, Patricia Zurheide and Anne
Walters. It has been an incredibly difficult time for so many of us left behind
to ponder what happened and why. Coming to grips with sudden loss is especially
difficult when people pass far too young and had so many gifts seemingly left
to give. As is often the case, the demons that people struggle with are often
hidden by a veneer of seeming happiness. Having battled depression myself much
of my adult life, I am all too familiar with this, but even knowing that doesn’t
lessen the sense of numbness and regret when it involves others who you care
about.
Kathy and I have
known Patricia and her family since their beautiful daughters Gabi and Ali were
students of Kathy’s at the Key West Preschool Co-op. The girls are now
teenagers and yet we have maintained a casual friendship with them all ever
since. We would often see Patricia at various events around town wearing her
trademark cowboy hat and her unique colorful pants. Most often she would be
volunteering as she was always willing to work to support whatever cause that
she or her family were involved in.
Patricia with her daughters. 
Jack and Patricia
Her sudden
passing at age 46 was certainly something of a shock to many, though as many
people are, she was trying to work through some issues that most of us were not
aware of. I saw her just last month at the Dog Park where she was a frequent,
if not daily visitor and she seemed upbeat and happy and I will always remember
her as such a giving person, always there to assist others. Our hearts grieve
for those closest to her, especially her mother, her husband Jack and her two
lovely girls. I hope she has found peace and that somehow her loved ones can as
well.
The second blow
was even more profound to me, if only because it hit me personally like a ton
of bricks. I spent this past Friday evening at the Wicker Guest house at a
Brewfest pool party with many close Key West friends, among them our friend
Anne. We had a really wonderful conversation that seemed so freaking normal and
was so forward thinking as she seemed so happy and excited about heading up to
Gainesville this week to attend acupuncture school. We spoke of the beautiful
natural areas that surround Gainesville and she seemed so looking forward to an
upcoming planned camping trip with friends.
Anne and Natalia 
The Comedy Key West crew
We saw Anne
again on Saturday evening at Brewfest and as per usual, she was dressed up in a
German barmaid costume to celebrate the event, yet shockingly by Sunday morning
she was gone, haven taken her own life. To say we were stunned is an
understatement. Such a beautiful, talented, funny, healing, giving and
wonderful person, it is impossible to truly grasp the insidious forces that
depression and anxiety unleash.
Anne and Jenni 
Anne was a yoga
instructor and one of the founders of Comedy Key West and a talented comedian
and was a beloved member of the Key West community, which experienced something
resembling a collective grief the past few days. Like many, I question myself,
reviewing our interactions, was there something I missed, something I should
have caught on to, might I have said or done something different that might
have altered things? Even knowing from my own experience how those are stupid
and ultimately destructive thoughts that do no good, It is tough not to have
them. I feel especially bad for those closest to her for I know those feelings
may be multiplied in their own minds, yet there is nothing anyone could do or
should have done to prevent this, sometimes those demons are just too strong.
Anne and Heather
What can be done
is that we can all be more kind, more open and more attentive. We all know
people, or perhaps we are the people, who suffer from depression, anxiety or
other mental issues. These issues are nothing to be ashamed of or to hide from
others and we as a society, need to understand this. If you have the flu, you
go to the doctor and get treatment and the same should be the case for mental
illness. Too many people associate the term mental illness with crazy, when in
reality many people could probably benefit from a good professional counselor
and perhaps medication. I know they have helped me overcome my own suicidal
thoughts and depression.
Anne *photo by Nick Doll
If these
tragedies have even a trace of a silver lining, it is that once again the true
nature and spirit of the Key West community has shown through. The losses of
Patricia and Anne have brought those who loved them even closer together,
reminded us all of the preciousness of life and of the loved ones who share it
with us. Scattered among the expressions of true grief, were displays of love
and support that transcended the terrible reality.
I know I am a
better person for knowing each of these remarkable women, and while the sadness
of their loss will fade, the memories of them and their impact on myself and my
community will continue to shine through. Kathy and I offer our deepest
sympathy to their family, friends and loved ones. Thanks also to the uncredited
photographers whose photos that I used here, most coming from their respective
facebook pages.
posted by Michael and Kathy @ 11:35 AM
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