Bittersweet

July 24, 2020

Marta and Michele 

Calabash





Bittersweet

In recent years I have made the trip to visit my mother Marta in Winston-Salem many times. She has lived there for fifteen years since leaving the home that I grew up in in Indianapolis and moving to a condo closer to my sister Marika and her husband Brian. It has been a godsend as she has had them close to look out for her and the benefit of a wonderful group of friends and the top notch heath care that is found there. As she has gotten older she has suffered a variety of health issues, some more serious than others, but has managed to soldier through, survive and thrive with the assistance of her family, friends, doctors and caregivers.



Sisi

 



After her most recent health scare in December, she was moved into an assisted living facility where she did quite well all things considered. Well enough that I was able to fly up to Winston-Salem in February pick her up and bring her to Key West for a book signing party for the autobiography that she completed last year. It was a wonderful success, though there were already signs then that the health setbacks had a long term impact and she still faced many challenges.







The good news is that she improved enough to be released from the assisted living facility in March, just before the place was shut off and put on lock-down due to the Covid- 19 pandemic. I can’t imagine what the past few months would have been like for her if my sister and Brian had not spirited her away from there in the nick of time. She has been living at home with the assistance of a wonderful nurse and had been doing pretty well until a couple of weeks ago when concerns arose about her memory and cognitive abilities.

 

 



Myself and my other sister Michele drove to Winston-Salem to visit her, offer Marika and Brian a little relief and assess the declining situation for ourselves. It was one of the most difficult visits that I have ever experienced as it is painfully obvious that our 89 year old mother is suffering the early, but significant impacts of dementia. There were many moments of levity and light, but also some filled with darkness, fear, uncertainty and heartbreak. It has set me back personally so much as I can hardly focus seeing my mother in that condition and knowing that the road ahead is going to get progressively more difficult.

With Michele

 



We did enjoy our time in spite of everything, taking Marta out for walks, watching Broadway shows on TV, we even took her out for a spin around town in the rented convertible that I had, which she seemed to enjoy immensely. I stayed there for about four days before I had to return home, I don’t think I have ever had a tougher time saying goodbye than this one. I know she is in capable hands and I cannot thank my sister Marika and Brian or Marta’s wonderful, loving caretaker Maira enough for what they are doing on a near constant basis to care for Marta and make her comfortable.

 



I know many people have gone through similar experiences with their elderly parents and loved ones, but I had never truly appreciated just how heart-wrenching and difficult such situations are, it has made me a complete ball of stress and anxiety and frankly not much motivated to do anything except attempt to sleep, which doesn’t come easy either. It probably couldn’t have happened at a worse time than in the middle of a global pandemic which is raging harder today than at any time previously.

 





Currently there are 3,872,712 confirmed cases in the United States with 138,767 people who have perished due to the virus. Locally Monroe County continues to see explosive community spread growth as we added a record number of 84 cases today to bring our totals to 1082 cases in the county, with 472 of them in Key West and 6 people who have died. Frightening and unacceptable totals, the mask ordinances and social distancing requirements do not seem to be working as many people still are not complying.

 







As tough as it was to leave, I had to get home to Key West though I took my time driving home. I drove across the state of North Carolina to the coast with the top down on a beautiful sunny day and enjoyed the beauty of the Carolina countryside while making my way to Calabash, a small coastal town just North of Myrtle Beach and known as the Seafood Capital of the World. I had visited the town on numerous occasions throughout my life and I have always loved the “Calabash” style of seafood.







I got there just as the sun was setting, explored the docks where the local fishing fleet is based then grabbed dinner at the Dockside Restaurant, which is virtually unchanged since I last ate there some 35 years ago. It was delicious and a nice way to take my mind off the current situation briefly. The next day I drove home straight through, stopping only to pick up some requested peaches at Abbott Farms Peach Stand and for fuel and food. It was a long, long day and it felt great to be home.